I'm Fine
by PoisionedNightshade
Summary: 'I'm fine.' Those were words that Newt had said often recently; after all, he hadn't lost someone so incredibly close to him, and he wasn't the one suffering...at least that was what he was telling himself. Perhaps it's time for a certain older Scamander to intervene. SPOILERS FOR CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD (Possibly OOC, I wrote this instead of sleeping)


**Summary:** **'I'm fine.' Those were words that Newt had said often recently; after all, he hadn't lost someone so incredibly close to him, and he wasn't the one suffering...at least that was what he was telling himself. Perhaps it's time for a certain older Scamander to intervene.**

 **SPOILERS FOR CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD**

 **(Possibly OOC, I wrote this instead of sleeping)**

 **Dicslaimer: Fantastic Beasts does not, and never will...belong to me :(**

* * *

' _I'm fine_.' Those were words that Newt had said often recently; after all, he hadn't lost someone so incredibly close to him. Leta Lestrange was Theseus' fiancé, and Queenie loved Jacob, and vice versus. Tina had taken it hard, loosing her sister to betrayal. Newt felt oddly numb and exhausted. He had excused Bunty for the night, she was obviously tired from taking care of Newt's creatures for days on end, besides it was something to keep Newt's mind at ease. He moved with fatigue as he did his rounds for the night. He made sure each of the creatures that he treasured were happily sleeping or fed. Newt took a shaky breath as he made he way to the stares. His eyes dropped to his feet for a brief moment, the urge to fall to his knees and cry was so intense. He cast his gaze towards his creatures one last time, before taking a slow step up the stairs.

His hands quivered as they gripped the railings tightly. Newt grit his teeth, pausing before opening the door to his upper apartment. Jacob has taken the couch for the last few nights, while the small group recuperated. Tina resided in the guest room. No matter how much sleep she got, she still looked completely drained. Newt had put his older brother in his own room, after they had agreed to stay together for a few days while they recovered. Theseus has seldom showed his face, or even left the room for that matter. Newt knew he was taking it very hard, which is why Newt had put up a front to stay strong, he had too. If not just for the others, for his own sanity. He couldn't fall apart. He had to put up that wall of normality and complete calmness. He didn't want to fall apart.

Newt took a quick glance at Jacob, and saw he was alright, sleeping peacefully. He checked in on Tina, cracking her door a little. She was asleep as well, short hair spewn across the white pillow. He smiled softly before going to check on Theseus. His brother was asleep, thankfully. The room was dark. Newt could hear movement, yet Theseus was still sleeping. Nightmare, probably. Newt sighed sadly and went to double check all the locks in the apartment before going to sit in his kitchen. The apartment was fairly silent, so every small noise caused Newt to jolt slightly. He had been paranoid recently, since the events with Grindelwald and loosing Leta.

He failed to protect her, and now he refused to loose anyone else. Because they were all his family. Queenie betrayed Tina and Jacob, and they were hurting, cracked forever. Newt could protect them at least, as he had failed to do so with every lost soul. His eyelids began to droop a little, his body fighting desperately for sleep. Newt couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he was plagued. His mind was attacked with horrid nightmares, most of them following the tragic events Newt had witnessed, others were a different play of the mind. He hated them. So he eluded sleep best he could. Besides, he wanted to stay awake to protect his loved ones anyways. Grindelwald was still out there. Who knows what he crazed lunatic had in mind?

Newt shivered at the very thought of the evil man. He was vicious and cruel as a rabid dog, merciless and manipulative. He was a horrid monster, a grotesque beast that could not be conquered. The corrupt wizard obviously disliked the Scamander family, Newt specifically. He had shown that distaste when he was posing as Graves, and had Newt pinned under his painful spells while Newt was in New York. Just that small amount of time Newt spent in torment from Grindelwald, showed him how unrelenting he was. Newt could care less about himself, but about the rest of the people he cared deeply for? It terrified him. Maybe he was being selfish, but Newt couldn't bear to loose his small family. So, Newt sat there quietly, consumed by his thoughts. Only his willpower and determination fought through the heavy jaws of sleep.

It was early morning when Tina exited the the room lended to her. She gradually made her way to the kitchen, feet dragging with every step. Her body felt weak and tired as she moved. Her face was downcast, as she yearned for an early boost of caffeine to get her through another day without her sister, and living with the sorrow of the betrayal. As she entered the small apartment kitchen, she was taken back to find Newt sitting at his meager table, hazel eyes staring intently at the wood.

Startled, Tina opened her mouth, "Newt— um, how long have you been awake?"

Newt didn't seem to hear her. Tina's face contorted into an expression of worry. Newt looked absolutely exhausted. Under his eyes were darkened, intense against his pale skin, even the freckles that splattered across his face recklessly lacked their usual vibrance. His shoulders were slumped as his gaze held the tables, obviously deep in thought and overly tired.

"Newt?" She asked again, this time leaning over to gently touch his shoulder.

Newt jumped in surprise, and shied away from her hand as of responding to acute pain. His eyes were unfocused briefly before he blinked the fogginess away and rested on Tina's face.

"Oh, Tina. I didn't see you there." His voice sounded worn and hoarse.

"Newt..." Tina sat across from him, the idea of coffee discarded as she focused on consulting her close companion. "...when is the last time you slept?"

Newt pursed his dry lips, lowering his head per usual at the invading question. His finger tapped anxiously against he dark wood of the table and he vigorously thought for a suitable reply. Tina scowled, lips pressed together in a manor of concern. She reached over and gingerly rested her hand on his, not missing the small shaking.

"Listen...we've all taken this whole thing really hard. I know it must have been difficult when..." Tina paused, choosing she words cautiously. "...listen, it's best f you just let it out. Hurting by yourself is not good—"

"I'm not." Newt interrupted. "I'm not...not hurting."

"Leta was so important to you, everyone could tell. There's no way that you're just okay after all of it...Newt, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He responded quickly, pulling a smile to the edges of his lips. "Everything is okay, I just haven't slept too well lately. Would you like me to make you some tea?"

Tina sighed in defeat, "Actually, I would prefer some coffee. If you have any..."

Newt stood quickly and went to prepare her a cup. She just watched his back as he moved. She was sad; who wouldn't be after what had happened? But as she came to slowly accept the fact that Queenie had betrayed her, she settled in to the confusion of Newt being withholding. It was something he did regularly, but it still puzzled the American aurua. He looked bone dead, that much was true. He looked ill and weak, but his facial expression remained calm. His lips were drawn into a single thin line, eyelids resting over half his eyes, almost narrowed. Her frown deepened. Why would Newt be trying to deny his emotions?

"Newt, it's okay to be hurt—"

"I said, I'm fine." Newt replied, trying to keep his tone sounding cheery. "You must stop worrying about me. There are far greater subjects of importance at the moment."

Tina huffed as Newt brought her a steaming cup of coffee. It wasn't the first time she had tried to pry information from him. Over the last week and a half she had asked him about his mental or physical health, and he answered with the same two words, 'I'm fine'. She curled her fingers around the handle, resting the other on the smooth side of the tepid cup. She kept her eyes glued to him as she drank her coffee. He smiled at her, sitting up a little straighter and watched her drink her coffee.

"How are you doing, then?" Newt inquired, "Have you been sleeping well?"

Tina snorted, as if what Newt said was humorous. She responded to him with a large and overdramatic eye roll.

"Is the bed quite comfortable for your tastes?"

"The bed is fine, Newt." Tina murmured.

"Then—"

"Just a lot has happened...a lot I can't forget." Tina said sadly, staring down at the slightly distorted reflection of herself in the coffee. "Even if I want to forget. But, I'll be okay. I think. I've accepted the fact and I'm willing to move on. But I am worried about Jacob."

"Ah, yes...he's taken it very hard, hasn't he?"

"He's so stressed...we are all a bit disoriented, aren't we?" Tina chuckled. "I guess that's to be expected. How's Theseus?"

Newt hesitated, eyes flickering down to the table once again, "He hasn't come out much yet."

"Has he eaten?" Tina asked, looking over her shoulder to the locked door.

"I'm not too sure, actually." Newt said. "It hasn't been too easy for him."

"It hasn't been easy for any of us." Tina eyed Newt again, as if silently prompting him for answers.

"How many times should I have to tell you?" Newt asked, a smile playing on his lips. "I'm perfectly okay. Now, to a different topic. We must go to Hogwarts."

"Your old school? Why?"

"I need to report to Dumbledore. I have a few things I need to discuss with him." Newt answered honestly. "I'm sure someone will come and escort us. It's of high importance."

"We all should go?"

"I would say so, mainly for protection and safety. A refuge at Hogwarts would be much appreciated, would it not?"

Tina hadn't ever visited the renowned school known as Hogwarts. She had heard so much about it. She decided it had to be somewhat similar to her school, so quite possibly a little calming from its facade.

"I guess so..."

There was a shuffling noise from the hallway, Newt flinched sharply, reaching for his wand as Jacob trudged into the kitchen. Newt relaxed slightly, shoulders still tense.

"G'mornin..." Jacob slurred tiredly. "...how's e'rybody doing...?"

"Good morning, Jacob." Newt smiled at him, standing and offering the man his seat.

Jacob gladly took it, and groaned. The man rubbed his eyes, blinking rapidly as he tried to wake up. It was a quick second before a cup of coffee sat steaming in front of the groggy man. Jacob grunted an incoherent "thank you", before sipping slowly. Newt turned to leave, trying to exit before he was faced with any more confrontation, but unfortunately was stopped.

"Wait, uh Newt where're ya going?" Asked Jacob, head slightly tilted as if confused and worried. "you okay buddy? You're lookin' a bit pale."

Newt turned again, "I'm fine. I'm just going to check on my creatures."

Newt could feel the thick wall being chipped away at. Pieces were falling apart, ultimately that would result in Newt himself falling apart. He had always been told tears were for the weak. For him, at least he felt that was true. He was perfectly fine with others spilling out their feelings. But he generally tried to keep his own personal water works at bay. If his father had shown him anything, it was that people like Newt didn't deserve to cry like the others. His mother strongly disagreed, but Newt was left in confusion, only believing it had to be true. He didn't fit in with other people groups; they thought he was annoying and strange. Personally, Newt agreed with his old classmates from Hogwarts. When Newt went downstairs, he first when to check on his Niffler.

The Niffler had been fairly injured after the events with Grindelwald. Newt felt personally responsible. He felt awful when any one of his creatures were harmed in any way. Newt gently caressed the creature, a look of sympathy on the youngest Scamander's face as his Niffler whined in pain.

"I'm so sorry." Newt whispered.

He felt tears fill his eyes, which he quickly blinked away. No. Not now. He needed to remain calm for those around him. He was _fine_. Perfect. ' _I'm fine...I'm fine..._ ' Newt thought repeatedly. He heaved a sigh and went through to each of his creatures, feeding them by himself. He had given Bunty a few days off, she had done such a good job and was so diligent, Newt was sure she was exhausted. Back upstairs, Tina and Jacob sat in a pleasant silence, each sipping coffee quietly before Jacob spoke.

"You know, Queenie was so sweet." He finally said, a small smile appearing on his face. "I remember the first time I laid eyes on her...the way she spoke was so..."

"...calming." Tina finished, a smile tugging on the corners of her lips as well.

"No way anyone could ever replace her, eh?" He laughed humorlessly, "Even past all that annoying mind reading stuff. She was so caring. I think she would be able to tell my emotions without reading my thoughts too, ya know?"

"She's very perceptive." Tina agreed. "Jacob, I'm glad you think those things."

"I haven't given up hope, either. We'll get her back."

"How do you suppose?"

"Well...she's still alive, ain't she?" Jacob asked. "There's a chance for anything to happen while that still stands. Besides, she hasn't talked to you yet..."

"You're a good man, Jacob." Tina couldn't help the small sob that croaked out of her mouth.

"Hey...what's...what's wrong?" Jacob rested a hand on Tina's shoulder from across the table.

"I'm just...happy."

"Huh...?"

"This hasn't been easy, but...we've both accepted this and can move past it with renewed ambition...thank you Jacob." Tina wiped the tears that made her face wet, a genuine smile on her face.

"Awh..." Jacob's voice cracked, followed by a random noise of emotion. "...you're gonna make me cry too..."

The duo sat there a moment, happy tears steaming down their face despite the situation they were in.

"...so...what do we do about Newt?"

Tina bit her lip, scrunching her face up in concern. "Good question...he's very withholding right now."

"And tired..." Jacob said. "...other than the fact he looks exhausted, he _seems_ okay."

"'Seems' being the key word here." Tina huffed. "I wish he would stop being so stubborn."

"Eh, he's Newt. He's the definition of stubborn."

"Funny coming from you," joked Tina.

"What's Newt being stubborn about?" A foreign yet familiar voice inquired.

Jacob jumped, coming quite close to spilling his coffee all over himself, while Tina just turned slightly to find Theseus standing there. The man looked a little worse for wear, but admittedly much better than he had before. He didn't look nearly as tired, but that said a lot because he still looked fairly exhausted. Color had mostly returned to his face, and a hint of questioning played in his eyes. His clothes were slightly disheveled, but for the most part, well kept.

"Theseus, I'm glad to see you up." Tina smiled at the elder of the Scamander brothers, who she didn't know too well, but had grown closer following certain events. "How are you?"

"I'm...better." He replied, the words lifting the tension built in the air. "Now, what was this talk about my brother and being stubborn?"

"Oh, well..." Jacob glanced at Tina briefly before clearing his voice. "...he's been tryin'a convince us he's fine, but he looks like a raw cannoli—"

"Newt is being withholding, and he needs to take care of himself. He won't listen to us." Tina explained, cutting off the stammering Jacob.

Theseus nodded in understanding. "He never has been the sharing type...or easy to deal with for that matter. Don't worry, I will have a word with him."

"Maybe you should give it a bit, right? I mean you just got outta that room. Don't you think you may need more time before possibly revisiting anything?" Jacob asked gingerly.

"I appreciate the concern, but I was not lying when I said I was doing better." Theseus shot Jacob a quick smile before pointing towards the hallway. "I'm guessing he went down to check on his creatures?"

Tina nodded silently. Theseus was a lot more calm than she had expected him to be. The man shook his head and started towards the door. It hadn't been good for Theseus, recently. It was difficult to even face the day. But he realized there was nothing he could do for Leta now, so he might as well think happy things about her when he was alive so not to spoil her name. Theseus took step after step down the stairs until it was almost like he was in a different world. His eyes darted across the room, searching through the magnificent creatures until he found Newt. He was sitting on a chair, watching some of the Bowtruckles. He didn't look okay at all.

"Newt?" He called, coming towards him.

Newt was slightly startled, "Theseus? What are you doing here? You should be resting."

"I could say the same thing for you." Theseus replied, standing next to his brother. "They're worried about you, you know."

Newt almost rolled his eyes. "So, have you been dispatched here to find out my well being by Tina and Jacob then?"

"I care down here to find out your well being for myself." Theseus said.

"Well, you can go upstairs because _I'm fine_."

The words echoed in Theseus' head as he heard them. Newt was lying through his teeth, Theseus, of course, immediately recognized this and shook his head. Newt was standing at this point, arms crossed over his chest indignantly. Theseus sighed.

"Newt, I've been spending the last couple of hours in your room, reflecting the events that happened. It's been excruciating, but it has been relieving to cry out all of the problems I've been having, and though it was by myself, it was...uplifting. It does absolutely no good to play a hero right now." Theseus said, "Do you know that tears can be the sign of a hero as well? A veteran."

Newt, obviously confused, pressed his lips together firmly, eyebrows furrowed.

"If you're going to hide your feelings, fine. But know that it only places more worry and stress on the people around you. We love you Newt, _I_ love you. We don't want to see you suffer as you are."

Theseus turned at finishing his statement. He felt something grip his coat before he could take another step.

"...wait...Theseus..."

Theseus turned, finding Newt standing a little less straight as before, hand grasping Theseus' sleeve. Newt's lip was trembling, yet he tried to stay strong despite that.

"...so I have a right to be sad?"

Theseus turned to face his brother completely, somewhat appalled by the question, "Of course you do Newt."

Newt brought his hands up to hide his face, back falling and rising, and Newt's breath hitched. There goes Theseus, breaking down any wall that Newt set up. It wouldn't take that much, Newt knew that. He hadn't expected Theseus to come down and completely shatter the facade of strength. Newt felt himself slipping to his knees, grasping the true agony of what had happened. With a gasp, he released the emotions bottled up inside of him, welling and creating a massive storm. Because — _oh goodness_ —Leta was gone, Queenie betrayed them and Grindelwald was at his strongest. He had Credence, a full army and Newt had been powerless to stop it. He felt like a failure, another nuisance. Worthless, pathetic and weak. He was crying like a small child.

"Oh gosh — Theseus...I'm sorry..." Newt sobbed uncharacteristically.

But Theseus didn't mind. He had admired his little brother for putting up such a strong front. But he knew the true Newt. As a child, Newt was not as coy with his emotions as he was now. Theseus has helped the boy through messes of situations and eased him through tears. It had been so long, Theseus almost had forgotten what to do. And looking at the scene, he was reminded of the old days, while Newt was still young. It brought a certain calming sense of nostalgia to him. And he thought through his memories, of Leta and Newt, the good times they had. Newt was such a caring boy too. Theseus smiles fondly, and kneeled beside Newt.

No, their relationship hadn't been spectacular; ever since Theo had begun his relationship with Leta, but it was not awful or repulsive. They were close, so much closer than Newt would have liked to admit. Besides, Theseus adored comforting touch, and he knew Newt did as well, even though the younger would argue with him about it. So, Theseus lifted his hand, and brought it to the back of Newt's head. His fingers interlocked with his younger brother's hair, and he brought the crying man's head to his chest. Newt did not resist.

Theseus used his other arm to cradle his brother's — his _baby brother's —_ head. He could hear Newt mumbling apologies, already embarrassed as he released his feelings like an explosion. Theseus only hushed Newt, continuing to softly stroke Newt's hair, trying to calm the younger Scamander in any way possible. Newt found himself embracing Theseus tightly, hands gripping the back of his brother's shirt. Theseus pulled Newt's head back so he could look at it briefly. He used one of his thumbs to gently wipe away some of tears on Newt's face as they still vigorously steamed down his flushed cheeks.

"I'm so sorry—"

"What are you sorry for, Newt?" Theseus smiled, "You've done nothing wrong, no one could protect her. I'm glad you're alive."

Theseus pulled his brother's head back into an embrace.

"Oh Newton," said Theseus, after some of the sobs had turned into soft crying. "didn't you know you couldn't hide anything from me? On course you tried with Tina and Jacob. They both could tell something was the matter. But there was nothing they could do. But with me?"

Theseus chuckled softly.

"Oh, you could never hide anything from me that I couldn't find."

Newt sniveled, trying to keep his breathing under control. Theseus leaned down and rested his cheek on top of Newt's head. The older man heaved a sigh.

"You what what happened wasn't your fault, right?" He asked, "Leta died trying to protect us. I was there, so she would have died either way."

Newt chewed on his lip, "I certainly didn't help much...Jacob and Tina lost Queenie — you lost Leta...I g-guess I shouldn't even be upset."

"No, Newt! Please don't think that." Theseus shook his head, still resting on his brother's. "Leta was your best friend. She cared for you as she cared for me. Do not go thinking she didn't. And I didn't know Queenie, but she made the choice to betray them, and you. So don't think you're worthless, I thought you grew out of that?"

Newt licked his already dry lips and suddenly relaxed, his tense muscles and body becoming limp. He leaned in to his brother's embrace and with a sigh, closed his eyes. "Thank you..."

He tried to overcome the overwhelming fatigue that battle him, but ultimately, he ended up loosing. Theseus felt his brother begin to slip into sleep, so he took that as a chance to help the disoriented man stand. Newt blinked tied eyelids as he tried to focus on Theseus' face. The older Scamander had tears in his eyes, but a smile on his face as he helped Newt up and out of the basement. He guided him back to his room, pausing after seeing Jacob and Tina astounded that Newt was actually cooperating, and his eyes were red and puffy. He shot them a quick side smile before entering his room. Theseus followed him in, helping Newt get into bed.

"Poor Newt," chuckled Theseus quietly as he pulled the blankets over Newt's quickly fading body.

Newt was asleep once his head hit the pillow. Theseus smiled at the sight, once again thrown a feeling of nostalgia. He caressed Newt's hair briefly before exiting, pausing before closing the door.

"I am very happy you're alive and with us." Theseus smiled, "You may not be fine, but you are safe."


End file.
